Kids Say the Darndest Things at Deer Camp

By Judy Bishop Jurek

 Art Linkletter said it best: “Kids say the darndest things.” Youngsters at deer camp are no exception. You never know WHAT they may verbalize. All you have to do is listen, perhaps even eavesdrop a little or prompt an awesome answer with a question or comment. It can be most entertaining to hear remarks that may be silly, interesting, whimsical, curious, downright dumb or incredibly sharp.
Other than age, there is sometimes not much difference between young and old hunters. There are pranksters, silent types, show-offs, teachers, fierce competitors, observers, know-it-alls, skill masters and, without a doubt, braggers. Some youngsters inherit their traits while others learn from imitating their elders. (Better be careful what YOU do at deer camp if kids are around!) The following excerpts of conversation were overheard at numerous deer camps during deer season. All are true. They are direct quotes from kids of various ages. Read for yourself what youthful hunters have to say about hunting and other things.
_ _ _
“My spike buck had antlers eight inches and ten inches for
a total of eighteen inches. He was really big. Bet he’s the
biggest so far.”
_ _ _
“Dad says I don’t have to take a bath. This is deer camp.”
_ _ _
“I don’t know what kind of gun I shoot but I think it’s a
500 magnet. It has really big large bullets.”
_ _ _
“What does being in the rut mean? I thought ruts were in
the road.”
_ _ _
“All they do is talk about deer, deer, deer. Don’t they get
tired of it? Don’t they know anything else? I think they’re
obsessed but they’re too dumb to know it.”
_ _ _
“They call it a grunt call. I don’t know. I’m not putting
that thing in my mouth.”
_ _ _
Young man to Mom going hunting with him in a bow
blind: “You have to use scentless deodorant; put on a camouflage
t-shirt; you can’t wear those white tennis shoes;
you have to step in fresh cow poop to hide your smell; you
can’t cough, sneeze or blow your nose. Oh, and you have
to change your underwear.” (Hmmm???)
_ _ _
“It was dark when we got to the stand. But when we woke
up the sun was shining and there were deer everywhere.”
_ _ _
“Why do guts stink?”
_ _ _
“I think it’s cool to go to the bathroom behind a bush. I
like it.”—“Not me! I’m scared I’m going to fall in it.”
_ _ _
“But I thought you were supposed to shoot them in the
neck, not where you did.”
_ _ _
“Play dominoes and cards. That’s all they ever do around
camp. And eat. Whew! Do they eat! ‘Course it’s usually
some pretty good stuff unless it’s something I don’t like.”
“Let’s see...we saw two squirrels, a bobcat, ten cows, sixteen
turkeys, three cottontails, some sandhill cranes, a
couple of roadrunners really called chaparrals, a family of
javelina, a blue indigo snake I think, a covey of quail, a
big jackrabbit, one coyote, all kinds of birds but didn’t see
not even one deer. It was a bad afternoon hunt.”
_ _ _
“Man, we saw a buck fight! They were really into it. A six point
whipped a ten-point’s butt. It was cool!”
_ _ _
“Bet my spike is longer than yours. How long are the
antlers on your spike?”
_ _ _
“You can tell a buck’s age by the number of points he has.”
_ _ _
“I don’t believe that those wasps won’t sting you when
they’re cold and almost not moving.”
_ _ _
“I have to open the gates. Why can’t somebody else do it
once in a while? Haven’t they ever heard of cattle guards?”
_ _ _
“Do deer blow snot out of their nose when they snort?”
_ _ _
“No, we didn’t see any deer. But we were talking and
laughing and eating snacks and we had cokes but we had
a good time anyway.”
_ _ _
“My brother was supposed to wake me before he shot a
deer. I hit my head on his chair when the gun went off
and I tried to jump up. I’m gonna get him back one of
these days.”
_ _ _
“You don’t really EAT the deer heart and liver, do you?
_ _ _
“We got stuck. It was awful. We had to walk twenty, no,
thirty, no…I KNOW we walked fifty miles back to camp.
I don’t want to go out when it’s muddy EVER again!”
_ _ _
“Yes it does count as driving the jeep even if I’m sitting in
my dad’s lap.”
_ _ _
“My daddy’s buck is the biggest one yet of anybody’s.
Probably the whole world.”
_ _ _
“We saw two doe stand up and try to hit each other with
their front legs. Kind of like my sisters swinging their arms
when they try to fight.”
_ _ _
“My daddy said the bunny rabbits were just playing leap
frog and piggy back. They were so cute I wanted to try to
catch one. He said he would buy me one, but only one.
But it might get lonesome by itself and wouldn’t have
anybody to play leap frog and piggy back with.”
_ _ _
“Mom and I go shopping while they hunt. The best thing
is Dad never says anything about how much money we
spend. It’s not like at home.”
_ _ _
“You don’t have your hands far enough apart. I saw him,
too. He was THIS BIG!”
“The gun went off, POW! And all the deer took off ninety miles
an hour. He couldn’t believe he missed. I laughed.
He thinks he knows it all. Wait ‘til I get a deer.”
_ _ _
“Of course I know how to use this knife. You think I just
wear it around for looks or something?”
_ _ _
“I ate RATTLESNAKE! It wasn’t too bad. You could
make some neat toothpicks out of the bones.”
_ _ _
“Nobody can shoot ALL the deer. One of these days there
wouldn’t be any left. It’s call conversation.”
“You mean conservation.” “That’s what I said, dummy.
_ _ _
“Not me. I don’t get the shakes. And I didn’t have buck
fever. I didn’t feel bad or get sick when I shot at that deer.
I just think my gun is off is why I missed.”
_ _ _
“My spike had really long horns. Yours aren’t even close.
You have to add them together. That’s called the Boone
and Crockett score.”
_ _ _
“The more points a buck has the older he is. Except for
spikes. They can be any age.”
_ _ _
“I checked our towels and underwear on the clothesline.
They’re as dry as a mud puddle.”
_ _ _
“Mom didn’t say anything but I know she was mad when
I sneezed and kicked the stand ‘cause all the deer ran off.
I sure was glad when they came back later.”
_ _ _
“They said the turkey had a ten-inch beard. I didn’t see
anything on its face except skin. And it was ugly, wrinkly,
nasty skin. It didn’t have any hair on its face.”
_ _ _
“Yep. That’s my deer. It’s my very first one ever. It’s the
biggest buck I’ve ever gotten. But I’m gonna get more.”
_ _ _
“I been huntin’ longer ‘an you. I know everything ‘bout
deer huntin’ ‘cause I’m twelve and I know.”
_ _ _
“Deer camp’s the best because you eat good stuff, tell
stories around the camp fire but some are lies even though
they say they aren’t, see all kinds of nature stuff, not just
deer. If you’re lucky you might get a big buck, which is
what it’s all about anyway. I hate when deer season ends.
It’s all fun, too. You never know what somebody might say
or do. I love deer hunting. I REALLY love deer camp!”
_ _ _

That’s it, folks. Youthful hunters (and non-hunters) don’t miss a thing, that’s for sure. Oh, maybe they miss a shot once in a while but even older hunters do that and will not admit it. Deer camp is a fun place to be any time of the year, especially with youngsters around. As you have read, kids say the darndest things!